Friday, November 14, 2014

Grief Doesn't Seem to Get Much Easier, Does It?

The reason that I keep blogging about my grief is that I think it helps me (a little bit) and I maybe it could help someone else who is going through the same thing.  I hope it does help other people, even if just in some small way.

My sister Kim died two years ago today.  Many of us are still dealing with severe emotional pain.  It doesn't seem to get that much easier.  I'm never going to completely accept it, understand it, or believe it.  It just will never make sense to me.

It's not fair to Kim's son to have lost his loving mother, and it's not fair to our mother to have lost such a young daughter.  But I know that life isn't fair, and many people experience this same type of loss.

I'm always wishing that all of the good people who are gone could come back, and all of the evil people in this world could leave and take their place in the afterlife.  I know, all of the wishing I do won't bring Kim back.  Many of us - her son, her mother, her sisters, and her friends and others are all missing her terribly.

I wish I could say that I'm getting past this grief.  I think that I never really will.  I have to learn to live with it, and I'm still working on that.  I just feel that such a serious type of loss like this is one that you never really get over. 

To others who are going through the same thing, I wish you peace.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Happy Birthday Kim - We Still Miss You Every Day


This would've been Kim's 44th birthday.  This is a tough day for everyone who loved her.

I know that she lived a full and rich life.  She had many friends and people who loved her.  No matter how well she lived, she still would've wanted a lot more time to be here, and we would've all wanted the same thing.

Her son really needs her here.  He misses her so much every day, as do all the rest of us. 

I know that many of you who read this someday will have experienced the same thing.  It continues to be hard to deal with my grief, even almost two years later.  People I know who are intensely grieving all seem to seek out things to distract them and to keep them occupied.  I do the same thing.

I watch too much TV, play too many video games, and things like that.  I feel that I need to shift to some more positive and useful distractions, like making art or writing books.  I'm working on those things in small doses.

My wish for anyone who is going through what we are is that you find positive and uplifting things to help you as you carry on.  We will always remember and love the people who are no longer with us, but we also need to focus on the life we still have and the people who are still here.

I wish all of you peace and joy and happiness.  I'm still searching for ways to have that myself.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Our Rude Neighbors Have Hung up Wind Chimes

Wind chimes are so annoying, at least to those of us who are very sensitive to sounds.  The neighbors put up wind chimes two days ago, and they are driving me insane. 

I know some people might think that I'm being ridiculous, because they think wind chimes aren't that bad.  Well, everyone is different.  Things that bug them might not bug me.

It's almost worse when the wind chimes are tinkling more softly, because I always think our fridge is acting up (it tends to make strange sounds) or that the cat is getting into some trouble in the kitchen.  I'm just constantly on edge when those chimes are going.

The neighbors are being very selfish and rude, since all the homes around here are only a few feet away from each other.  Also, we live in a windy area, so they are chiming almost all the time. 

My husband is annoyed by the wind chimes, too, but he won't let me sneak out in the middle of the night and cut them down (which I wouldn't really do, but when I feel crazy and desperate, I think about it) and he won't let me write to the neighbors about them.  He doesn't want to start any trouble or bad feelings in the neighborhood.

I sleep in the front of the house, where the awful wind chimes are located.  I also have to hear them all day when I am home.  The only thing I can do right now is run a fan so it can create white noise to drown out the terrible, terrible sound.

Come on people, be considerate of others when you are thinking of putting up something so noisy and irritating.  Just don't do it!

Friday, February 28, 2014

Grief just keeps kicking my ass.

Anyone who is grieving will understand what I mean.  Grief can really kick you in the ass some days.

We can stay busy and try to involve ourselves in good things and try to have happy days, but then something we hear or read or see will make us think of the loved one we've lost, and the pain is like a sock in the gut.

Of course, we think of them every day.  Sometimes we try not to, because the pain is too much, but then we feel guilty for not wanting to think about them.

People say that one day you will just remember the good times and not feel the pain so much, but I'm certainly not at that point yet.