Thursday, November 17, 2016
The saying is "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," yet I feel like the hard things I've been through have made me weaker. I feel like each loss (of a person or cat) or very difficult life situation has made me less able to cope with it all. Am I so strange or different from everyone else because I feel so beaten down by things? I don't know.
For some people, it seems that "what doesn't kill us makes us bitter." I've seen those people, and I do understand that, too, though I really try not to be that way, of course.
As Mum and I were saying today, we feel that we are surviving, not thriving, since the loss of my sister Kim. We keep searching for ways to be okay, yet we are not, really.
I'm so very grateful every day for my amazing husband, wonderful mum, and others, but there are still gaping holes in my heart left by the important people we have lost.
I want to be able to offer some hope, some inspiration to people who are going through similar things and who come across this blog, but sometimes it's just really hard.
I know that loving the people who are here is the main thing. Also, finding things to focus on for the future is an important thing. For me, it's the books I am writing and also trying to learn to create some art. I guess that is all I can recommend, for now. Love and do and be.
Wishing everyone a heart filled with peace.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Yesterday was the anniversary of my sister Kim's death. It's the only death anniversary that I remember. I forgot to blog about it yesterday because of some things that are going on with us, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about Kim every day, because I do. I thought about that date for two weeks before it even came up.
I'm not making light of the situation by making a glittery Blingee. I just like sparkly things. Don't Mum and Kim look so beautiful and happy? It's making me cry to see them. I'm very grateful to still have Mum. I love her so very much.
For anyone who has lost someone dear and still can't get over it, you are not alone. As Patton Oswalt said about the loss of his wife, “I’ll never be at 100 percent again...” That's exactly how I feel about losing Kim and about other important people who have passed.
Some people who knew Kim seem to not care so much that she is gone. Maybe that is just how they cope with death, but it's strange to those of us who really feel it on a daily basis.
If you are grieving, please turn to others for support. If you can't get it from the people closest to you, turn to support groups or even message boards online. They can help you feel like you are not so alone and are not so strange for having this lingering pain.
They don't teach you this in school, how hard life gets when you start to lose so many loved ones. It doesn't seem to get any easier. The only thing that helps me is the love of the people who are still here.