Tomorrow will be our late sister Kim's birthday again. Of course, this time of year always makes me think about her more, though I do think about her every day anyway.
I think about Kim when I hear the Gavin DeGraw song "Not Over You."
Okay, I know that both the song and the video are about a couple's relationship, but still some of the lyrics make me think of Kim whenever I hear them:
DreamsThat's where I have to go
To see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you
And listen to the radio
If you ask me how I'm doin'I would say I'm doin' just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out
And I sit down
At a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say
I'm, not over you
I know some people say that everything happens for a reason. Good for you if you can believe that, but I never have. No one can tell me that there's any reason for Kim to be gone, to have left a young son behind. There is no possible good reason for her to be gone and for many bad people to still be roaming this earth causing harm to others. There just isn't.
If it sounds like I haven't reached the supposed grief stage of acceptance, that's because I haven't and never will. Like my husband has said, he doesn't accept any of the losses we've experienced, not of family members, cats, or anyone we've cared about. That's just how we are. It might not be the healthiest way to be, but we are okay with that.
I will miss my sister Kim forever and wish forever to have her back here with all of us. She was a shining light, a wonderful soul, and the world was a better place when she was in it.