funny moments
My husband found this the other day when going through some papers. This is just a photo that I took the other day of a photo printed on our printer with a note that I wrote years ago.
Somewhere there is a better copy of that photo, of course, but the important thing is the note that I wrote on it. For five years I've been mis-remembering what the moment was of that photo. I kept saying that that photo where Ethan (our nephew) and I were laughing so hard that we cried was when we were playing a Mario game where we kept knocking each other off a vine.
Now I see this note and realize that we were probably watching Ninjago and Ethan made that joke. Back when he was five, we joked a lot about farts and burping, and it was great, silly fun.
wanting more joy
I know that all of us who are grieving do have moments somewhat like this, at times, even since Ethan's mom (our sister) passed away over five years ago, but it's still hard to create moments of pure silliness and joy these days. I wonder what the secret is to getting it back. Our hearts were more pure, joyful, and less broken back then. Can they be healed?
I keep feeling like it's my fault that I can't find ways to be happier. We've had multiple important losses in recent years, and they've affected us. We do all feel grateful about the loved ones we still have, keep trying to be busy, find things that bring us joy, and do work that is important to us. But still, it's not the same, you know?