Tuesday, October 6, 2015

When Does My Grief Turn Into Acceptance?

This picture originally had one of our adorable nieces in it (from a few years ago), but I cropped it because I've heard that you shouldn't post photos of other people's kids without their permission, and I'm not taking the time right now to ask for it.  I just want to write this now.
Our late sister Kim would've been 45 this weekend.  It's been almost 3 years that she's been gone, and I still don't believe it 100 percent.  I thought it was just me, but our mom still feels the same way.  I don't know if this is normal, but it's how we are.  For me, it's like part of me feels that Kim is just living in Portland again and hasn't been back home in a while.
At around the exact same time that I was thinking this very thing yesterday and writing a note to blog about it, Mum wrote an email to me and said it, too.  (Freaky timing.)  It just never fully feels real or possible, to us, that Kim could be gone.  Other people accept it, but part of us just can't.
I see women sometimes, with short blonde hair, who from a distance look like Kim.  I keep thinking she must be around, someplace.  Is this normal or not?  I don't know.
Anyway, here's another happy memory of Kim.  When Kim was around 11 years old, I was living for a while with her and Mum in an apartment.  For part of that time, Kim and I had this nice, little routine where I would cook her breakfast, then wake her up with a song from an album that she had:
Bee Gees & Peter Frampton - Good Morning, Good Morning  
I'll bet that she would also have liked to wake up to this song, a song I've loved for years.  Michael Strahan (from the show Live with Kelly and Michael) mentioned about a year ago that he was playing it before coming out and doing the show every day.  What a great way to start the day!
This video has the song and some nice images to go with it:
Lovely Day Bill Withers  
Great song.  I love the video, too.
I would've sent it to Kim, probably.  I wish I could.